Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
