She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I booty called her while she was in labor.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
