dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
