God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
