Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
