yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
