It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
