Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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