Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
