I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
