There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
