tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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