it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring