The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
