So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days