you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
pray to the hookup gods
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"