The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
