Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
whose parrot is this?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
