I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
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My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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