just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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