Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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