guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
