can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
