I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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