Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
