i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
