what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
