The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
