I'm jealous of your bromance
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
