I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
