planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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