also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
