i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
