Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
