If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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