apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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