hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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