Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
