Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
