you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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