Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So squirting runs in the family.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
