I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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