Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
