fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
