I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize