Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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