i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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