When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
