This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
