mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
