Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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