he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
