my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
