i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize