Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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