By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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