Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
