His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
