how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
