East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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