let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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