Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
