Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
