I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
