My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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