you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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