bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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