even my farts smell like vagina
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
