Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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