i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
