i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
