Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
