porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
