he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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