i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
