My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
