I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
