good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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