somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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