No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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