I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dick very happy bro
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.