You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.