She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.