Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.