I'm jealous of your bromance
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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